Friday, September 14, 2012
Second time she cried, make me felt helpless again. I felt pain and sad when she cried. I know I can't comfort her and I just hug her in my arm. She dropped her tears again. Asking myself that did I hurting her again? What am doing that make her felt that way? Isn't my present only hurting her again over again? What should i do to make her better?
What she think and what she will do to make it better? I don't like to pretend that am not like that. Only with her I can find myself. That is me. I promise myself that don't hurt you. Protect you with rest of my life. Teach you the way of living to protect yourself when the day I can't protect you anymore. Some way, we will walk together but I believe that some way that you need to walk alone. But trust me that I will never let you walk alone. I will hold your hand and walk together. Never let go.
I might not that good like your others admire but please give me a chance. You have the opportunity to choose the best for yourself and if am not in your list, it doesn't matter. I know am not good in enough for you also if you not willing to choose me. I can walk out of your life like the way I walk in to your life.
You decide my stay or leave. You might take longer time to choose. But I believe, the day will come. Who you like, all is in your decision. How much I contribute in term of time and money, I won't claim back form you. Like you so much is only things that I can do well. Spend more time with you prove nothing just perhaps that I could be apart of your memories that with me eventhough my worlds is yours.
If one day come, I will accept that the facts. I will leave a good memory for you. And please tell me that am not good enough for you and am not the good guy for you. Please don't hesitate to kill my heart immediately when you feel am not the right guy for you.
Thanks for giving me time to in love with you. Perhaps my love belong to you. I do in love with you. Not matter what happen after this, stick my love with you until the day you give an answer.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Somebody present on my life, past, future or now, I have a space for them to live deep of my heart. People came to my life and leave,but never being forget. They left memory, a chapter in my life. Although what I'm left for them is a bad things, or worse things that ever happened to them, them are chapter in my life.
Maybe one day I will forget how they can came to my life, how sweet and sour my chapter, my daily that they make it, but it really happened and is a part of mine. A person,how long I can remember? Forever is how long? I wish I could have the answer from that. Seen, I should remember everyone of them.
I knew I'm hurting some of them even though I tried to make it better. But how much I done for that, I not got what I expected. I had demand and so do I have expected. It might be a better idea for you to walk thru of my life, the way I grew up, the way am protecting my own zone. Only that you will know who I would like to be.
I'm still the one that since born. Just I only displaying the way you would like to see it from me. I'm try to pretending for what also. I'm hate hypocrites and never wish to be like them. Please listen to me what I would like to said. Listen what inside deep of my heart. If you can't listen it, please don't judge what in my life. Is not expectations, it just respecting the way I'm live with.
I knew I'm talkative. But how much of my voice you listen from deep of my heart. I do understand that I talk nonsense, idiots and not easily for me to build up my trust on someone that allowed them to walk into my life. You might thought am the kind of person you know well,but for me, I never understand about myself. Except I would like to accept somebody for them walk into my life. Only from that I displaying what about me and know me well.
When the day you decide to walk of my life, I can't stop you. But when you wish come back to me,is might be a brand new one of me. Take time to go into my life again. I use my way surviving to keep breathing,growing, learning, meeting a new friends,involving in a different culture. Wishing me stay the same,it might difficult for me but if you trust the way I'm,I believe you could find me. Trusting, for me is the bond for you holding me and keep me growing.
Get involve involve in my life,it won't guaranteed I could bring the happiness for you. I might also leave the disappointments, sadness,hateful,upset, and bad things. I can't be the way you want. Anyhow,
I will keep a chapter for everyone that I know and walk thru my life, into my heart. Keep all the chapters for everyone in deep of my heart. So it won't be erased, forget and it really never be replace. Is a stage and chapter in my live. Coming and leaving,happening always. Unstoppable. And I swear,nobody could be replace. Everyone have they own characteristic and make they are different. So for me, never anyone of the person I knew is replacing by others. And for those know about me, perhaps you could walk in my life, experience what I have before you admit that know me well. My personality and my attitudes is different.
And thanks for those who respect and accept who am I. You might dislike the way I'm. But that is me,not others. Somebody that present in my life,it won't be replace with anyone. That chapter is belong to you. I'll keep as secret deep in my heart.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012