She Cried..

        When the first time I saw her cried, it also was my first time kissed her. Wondering also did my kiss make her upset or what I talk hurt her that much. I would like to ask but I kept silent again. Do apologize to her about that I'm kissed her. She gave me a positive respond. But until the end am also don't know what do she mean.

       Second time she cried, make me felt helpless again. I felt pain and sad when she cried. I know I can't comfort her and I just hug her in my arm. She dropped her tears again. Asking myself that did I hurting her again? What am doing that make her felt that way? Isn't my present only hurting her again over again? What should i do to make her better?

       What she think and what she will do to make it better? I don't like to pretend that am not like that. Only with her I can find myself. That is me. I promise myself that don't hurt you. Protect you with rest of my life. Teach you the way of living to protect yourself when the day I can't protect you anymore. Some way, we will walk together but I believe that some way that you need to walk alone. But trust me that I will never let you walk alone. I will hold your hand and walk together. Never let go.

       I might not that good like your others admire but please give me a chance. You have the opportunity to choose the best for yourself and if am not in your list, it doesn't matter. I know am not good in enough for you also if you not willing to choose me. I can walk out of your life like the way I walk in to your life.

        You decide my stay or leave. You might take longer time to choose. But I believe, the day will come. Who you like, all is in your decision. How much I contribute in term of time and money, I won't claim back form you. Like you so much is only things that I can do well. Spend more time with you prove nothing just perhaps that I could be apart of your memories that with me eventhough my worlds is yours.

      If one day come, I will accept that the facts. I will leave a good memory for you. And please tell me that am not good enough for you and am not the good guy for you. Please don't hesitate to kill my heart immediately when you feel am not the right guy for you.

    Thanks for giving me time to in love with you. Perhaps my love belong to you. I do in love with you. Not matter what happen after this, stick my love with you until the day you give an answer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=4MHnZemWx6M

懂我的你

这些日子以来，我非常开心有你的陪伴。在你面前，我像个不懂事的小孩。只会胡闹，调皮，告诉你一些我的丑事，坏事和一切关于我的事。
谢谢你一只在聆听着。当我很认真的告诉你我的梦想时，你用心的去听和劝告和鼓励。让我得到想要的尊重。告诉过你我多么喜欢你。可是，你却告诉我说是时间和距离的关系。你说总有一天我会回家，我家离你有一千多公里。时间应该是所谓你已经有了男朋友了。但是他也是和你有着一千多公里的距离。这也是不能怪任何人的，因为是他认识你先。
你没有接受我，我没有怪你。但是，我还是希望有一天你会接受我。虽然说过不想谈恋爱先，如果我放弃了喜欢你，我真的会遗憾一辈子。
真心已经是付出了，奢望着你能看到。如果你看不到还是不想知道，放心吧，我不会怪你的。我只会好好的努力，为了更好未来而奋斗。我告诉自己不要做让自己遗憾的事。至少告诉过你，我喜欢的人是你。我还是在付出。等待着你愿意为我个机会来好好爱你。
希望未来的路有你陪我。不是因为寂寞而喜欢你。是你待人的诚恳，感动了我也改变了我。谢谢你。

志圣上。

Watch "方炯鑌【壞人情歌：遺憾】MV 特別演出：弦子、孟僅" on YouTube

Never be replace

Somebody present on my life, past, future or now, I have a space for them to live deep of my heart. People came to my life and leave,but never being forget. They left memory, a chapter in my life. Although what I'm left for them is a bad things, or worse things that ever happened to them, them are chapter in my life.
Maybe one day I will forget how they can came to my life, how sweet and sour my chapter, my daily that they make it, but it really happened and is a part of mine. A person,how long I can remember? Forever is how long? I wish I could have the answer from that. Seen, I should remember everyone of them.
I knew I'm hurting some of them even though I tried to make it better. But how much I done for that, I not got what I expected. I had demand and so do I have expected. It might be a better idea for you to walk thru of my life, the way I grew up, the way am protecting my own zone. Only that you will know who I would like to be.
I'm still the one that since born. Just I only displaying the way you would like to see it from me. I'm try to pretending for what also. I'm hate hypocrites and never wish to be like them. Please listen to me what I would like to said. Listen what inside deep of my heart. If you can't listen it, please don't judge what in my life. Is not expectations, it just respecting the way I'm live with.
I knew I'm talkative. But how much of my voice you listen from deep of my heart. I do understand that I talk nonsense, idiots and not easily for me to build up my trust on someone that allowed them to walk into my life. You might thought am the kind of person you know well,but for me, I never understand about myself. Except I would like to accept somebody for them walk into my life. Only from that I displaying what about me and know me well.
When the day you decide to walk of my life, I can't stop you. But when you wish come back to me,is might be a brand new one of me. Take time to go into my life again. I use my way surviving to keep breathing,growing, learning, meeting a new friends,involving in a different culture. Wishing me stay the same,it might difficult for me but if you trust the way I'm,I believe you could find me. Trusting, for me is the bond for you holding me and keep me growing.
Get involve involve in my life,it won't guaranteed I could bring the happiness for you. I might also leave the disappointments, sadness,hateful,upset, and bad things. I can't be the way you want. Anyhow,
I will keep a chapter for everyone that I know and walk thru my life, into my heart. Keep all the chapters for everyone in deep of my heart. So it won't be erased, forget and it really never be replace. Is a stage and chapter in my live. Coming and leaving,happening always. Unstoppable. And I swear,nobody could be replace. Everyone have they own characteristic and make they are different. So for me, never anyone of the person I knew is replacing by others. And for those know about me, perhaps you could walk in my life, experience what I have before you admit that know me well. My personality and my attitudes is different.
And thanks for those who respect and accept who am I. You might dislike the way I'm. But that is me,not others. Somebody that present in my life,it won't be replace with anyone. That chapter is belong to you. I'll keep as secret deep in my heart.

喜欢你！

感觉很开心，兴奋又要再见面！因为我知道我已经喜欢你了。虽然知道你已经有男朋友了，但是喜欢一个人就是种感觉，和有没有男朋友没有关系吧!换个角度来想，就是因为你有吸引力所以才会有男朋友对吧?
我很想跟你说。可是我怕你会吓到然后远离我。再不和我出去，吃东西，聊天。不懂这样的关系会维持多久，多长。但是就是很享受和自在和你在一起。如果有个机会，我一定会好好爱你，给你最好的生活，让你开心没有烦恼。大的事情让你做主，小事情我解决。我也会让你把一生的幸福让我保管!
总有一天我会让你知道我有多喜欢你！
但在还没让你知道之前，我会一直找机会见你和你出去。带你吃好吃，特别的东西。让你觉得跟我在一起很舒服，自在。会比他更关心你和多时间陪伴你，不要让你感觉孤单和寂寞。如果说样貌，身材，钱世没有比他好，但是我就是有颗他没有的心。错过了这颗心，很难会让它再热起来了。但是也不会怪你如果你不要接受。
我还是很享受喜欢你的感觉！

想你想你还是想你

夜深了，但我就是睡不着。因为我又开始想你了。明知道没有结果但是我还是伤害了你。虽然说是喜欢你，也很开心知道你也喜欢我。明知道你有男朋友但是我还是阻止不了喜欢你。你很特别，也很和谐，喜欢帮助人，热心，可爱，尽责也很喜欢大笑！我就是特别喜欢你的大笑。因为真的没有掩饰的笑是最真诚的开心。

其实我不应该告诉你说我喜欢你。只怪自己不会把感情收藏的很好。应该狠狠的切断对你的感觉。不然就留起来，不需要防腐剂都可以很好。我们都靠的太近了吧！不知不觉走进你的心里。我不应该那么幼稚要留在那里，还是走出来吧！我认得来的路可是我不希望走出去，可以吗？想也又想，你有那么好的感情，我是不应该这样去破坏的。真的破坏到，我又给的起什么呢？我还需要思考，未来的路会是如何呢？

对的时间遇到对的人，比什么都来得更重要。论家事背景，应该不如人。身材本事，还是输给他吧！也许终有一天可以比他更出色。但是有多久你愿意等呢？我当然知道我和他不一样。我相信我的聪明才智。他应该不如我吧！

需要分开吧！把距离拉远点，况且在我们还没有拥有彼此的时候，还是可以为彼此的空间而来开距离。快乐可能少了很多。需要用另一个心情和兴趣看待世界和感情吧！大家应该是成年人，需要遵守我们的约定。我怕我不行，但是应该可以为了你的爱情路好走点，我愿意牺牲。说真的，我不愿牺牲我自己但是为了你，应该需要吧！告诉自己坚强点吧！我没有那么伟大，真的！但是我给不起你要的生活。可能这就是我可以给自己最好的借口吧！

　　对不起，我喜欢你。不应该在闯进你的生活吧！我还是会想你的。不懂会多久至少现在还是，下一秒还是，下一分钟应该还是，下一个钟还会是，隔一天还会，隔一个星期就渐渐，一个月，一年，那就不懂了。时间会冲淡你和我的记忆但是回忆会是我的。把它锁好在我的心底应该不会被其他人发现。要学会隐藏，隐蔽，就应该没问题吧！到了一段时间再拆开来看，希望已经不再是那种感觉了。

　　这次真的开始想你了。我们还是会见到的如果我还没离去的话。我会离去但是不时因为要逃避你可就是要为自己的未来打算。每天应该会想你一篇。决定不告诉你，不应该在去动摇你的心了。我决定了，希望我会坚决吧！爱情，我搞不懂。

Inner child

Some of us do not believe we have inner child in our side. when we grow older, we forget the exciting of the inner child that keep alive. It sound like have the two personality problems but actually we have several personality inside our side. Inner child exist since the day we know how to think and analyses. But when we become more older and have more thinks that spinning in our mind, we start to forget how you could laugh and could cry and just express our feeling like the way we want.

knowing well about the inner child could help us to control your emotions easily. It won't hurt others or ourselves easily. Happy or sad that is change within a seconds. Is fast and hard to control.But when we know well about what our inner child like and prefer, we could manage it well. Sometime we need to listen well what the inner child wish like to be. Is part of ourselves and please don't refuse it coming back to our life. And let the inner child be yourself for sometimes and please don't force yourself to keep it away.

some of us will always wondering that are our emotions is decide by others person and environment that always change. Environments and others elements always change it from time to time or could said is seconds to seconds. It happened daily that we facing when we have the happy mood and could become sad mood after a minutes or a seconds. For my opinion, it should be sound irresponsible if others could decide our emotions.

Most of the time when we would like to make a decision,we will hear that we have two voice inside our minds. One of them want us to make it but another one want us to stop it. Is just like present of two wolfs inside us. Which one that we feed more, that one will always with us. Just need to listen carefully before make any decision for better arrangement. Listen to which one that we prefer and we need to trust on it to prevent us lost our direction.

Psychotherapist use this method to control the emotions of depression adults also. They will encourage the adults for listening what they want have actually, let themselves speak out what they would like to be when they small. When adults decide to get back when they small, they could find something that make them keep alive and active since so long. On certain condition, psychiatrist will use the hypnosis method to bring back the inner child for those who suffering mental illness. It just would like to figure out what happened on the past.

Is depend how we to decide for it. We are everything for ourselves, master and enemy for ourselves. Challenging with others is not the way to make ourselves better just could help us to figure out what is our weakness. But through understanding about our inner child, it could help us know better what is our weakness. Listen what do you want is the way to make yourself understanding more.

I decide my Life Cycle~我来决定我的人生

小时候，大人都会说等你长大后，你就会明白的。可是到现在，我还是搞不懂。是我傻还是我有我的愚见呢？有时候身边的朋友都很关心我的感情。刚刚认识我的人都会觉得我是个有固定的交往的对象了。说真的我是否要找个女朋友吗？我不那样觉得咯。有人说，不用担心的。等你有了工作，买了车，买了楼，就会有的啦。嘻嘻。。

让我想不明白的真的人生是这样吗？有了工作就有本事买车，买了车就要买楼然后就有女朋友了？有个好朋友他对我说，人生就是那样哦。就如一开始有了高胆固醇，然后就会有高血压，甜尿病，心脏病到最后就肾功能衰退了。嘻嘻。。 那我就很好奇的问他，那如果是已经有了女朋友呢？因为他本身就是已经有稳定的感情所以我很想知道他怎样回答我。他就很大方的跟我说，过程有点不一样，可是结果都是一样的。一样也是会结婚，进入人家常说的爱情坟墓。

在我人生里，我想要有不同的过程。我想为我的将来和未来另一半的将来好好打算和计划。就是要淘汰吃苦的日子。最重要是让家里人好过一点。毕竟，家人还是属于第一。恩情不能等。妈妈提醒着，阿姨和舅舅非常疼我。所以呢老后就是我的责任。

其实我也不搞懂到底她是不是我的女朋友。她还是不是还喜欢我？就有时会很粘我然后关心我。其实我是一样的。可能我还没有打算要认真的给她承诺吧？她应该也是和我一样吧！都没有把对方放进自己未来的路程。不管未来怎样，最好的打算就是把握现在。好好努力把更好的将来带给我身边的人。让大家的日子好过点。

虽然人生本来就是会有点点苦。可是我还是感到我很幸福因为我拥有其他人没有那么好运拥有的家人，朋友，长辈，和最重要的是拥有四肢健全。老天爷对我不薄。所以，我就要完成我的梦想然后帮助我需要帮助的人。要牢牢记住一件时就是不要对每件事都抱着回报来帮助人。

给不懂自己的想法的你。

如果你没有一个确定的想法，我会感到有点烦哦。你的想法和决定如果会影响到你和我的感情，我真的很无奈。有时候你不懂你自己想什么？当我好心想提醒你，你就会很坚决的拒绝了我的好意。我不是故意知道你想什么可是我就是懂你在想什么而且又想要有什么。你可能觉得我是自夸，我又是会那样觉得。可是你还是有权选择不相信的。不勉强的。

有时候你说的话，答应了我，我很想说服自己去相信。因为对我来说，相信一个人是一种很简单的快乐。不是因为你我才会快乐的。虽然说快乐很短暂，可是我就使享受那短暂的快乐。快乐很简单吧了！但是你就是一次的一次让我的短暂的快乐的泡泡就在一瞬间消失。还是要怪你吗？之前会怪你。可是习惯了，就麻木了。而且也不可能期望你会进步，不喜欢嘛我走掉咯。没有什么事的。我不是在逃避，只不过看不管你的做法和想法。觉得很有趣可是不是我觉得我可以接受的程度。

提醒你不是因为想要跟接近你。是要让你知道，你最需要的是什么。我不会也给不起你想要的是什么。因为你就是对我没有信心。对我来说，那是其次。最重要的还是你要懂你要的是什么。你真的不用试着了解我。因为你自己都不了解自己了。不是小看你。只不过你可能需要多点时间来学习认识自己。如果你选择相信我，我可以试着帮助你。因为，如果你是需要一个人帮助你，你需要选择相信他。

一切都是你来决定的吧。把自己关闭起来，对你没有好处的。我还是可以选择离开。因为我不喜欢那种感觉。你来决定吧你要的是什么。路是人走出来的。我不会阻止你要走的那一条路。可是就想提醒你，我还是愿意帮你找回你自己想要的。麻痹自己或者压抑自己是让你更痛苦的人生。你就好好加油吧！人生终究是你的。我不要插手也不要让你担心我太了解你了。多多保重。